I was loving sex until I realised my partner was clocking off

His head is between my legs and it feels so good, but I know that the fun will be over soon.

For the past 10 minutes, my lover has tried to make me climax. 

An eager sexual partner, he wants to fulfil his duty but – just as many men before him – lacks patience and is beginning to tire of the task at hand. Never mind that I enthusiastically gave him oral sex for 30 minutes and kept going despite my jaw muscles starting to seize up.

The tell-tale signs of his impending defeat are there; his brow is furrowed and his eyes are intensely focused on my face, just waiting for the big ‘reward’. I know he has good intentions, but I can practically hear him thinking, ‘When is she going to finish?’

Just as the familiar glowing feeling starts to build in my body, he lifts his head up and suggests we take a break. In other words: he is ‘clocking off’ for the day. 

The phrase refers to a male lover who cares about the ‘job’ he’s been assigned but will finish the shift early – either because he feels he’s tried his best or because he may lack the skills to bring it to an end.

Which means that you are left to take care of the task yourself, as I had to in the example above. 

I was reminded of this particular sexual experience from a few years ago earlier this week, after stumbling upon a new study that shows the ‘orgasm gap’ is alive and well.

The data, which includes testimony from 25,000 people, reports that men climax close to 30% more during sex, compared to women.

It’s disappointing to read but I’m not particularly surprised by this research, which lists issues such as lack of sex education and biological differences as key factors for this discrepancy.

These are certainly elements that influence the orgasm gap, but I have another theory to add into the mix: I would argue that our male counterparts simply throw in the towel too soon.

There are two camps; Camp A, which is a group of selfish men who will happily roll over and ignore their female partner’s pleasure once they’ve climaxed themselves.

They don’t care if you come, because they have. I know this, because, sadly, I’ve slept with a bunch of them in the past.

These sexual partners would sigh, shrug or find an excuse not to make an effort during love-making. It didn’t matter that I had given them my most passionate performance or that I cared about their pleasure.

This column isn’t for those men – they don’t deserve more of my (or your!) time.

I am talking to Camp B: those who genuinely want their sexual partner(s) have a good time in the sack but sometimes get a little frustrated or lazy and clock off before she’s had a chance to orgasm.

Talking to several men to get their opinions, I was met with quite interesting responses. 

One person said he won’t clock off himself but breathes a sigh of relief if she suggests they stop – so he doesn’t have to. Another friend admitted to having ‘given up’ on his lover’s orgasms in the past but added that he will ‘always aim to rectify the situation at another time’.

Interestingly, the rest said that they had never struggled to finish the job. Hmm… I’ll take that with a pinch of salt, as I think ego might be slightly at play here. 

That’s not to say that these men aren’t amazing, caring lovers – they may well be – but from my years of speaking to women about sex, I find their side of the story is often quite different.

Many women will overcompensate, fake climax or just say ‘I don’t fancy coming tonight’ – rather than tell their partner how they truly feel.

And therein lies the real problem with the orgasm gap. We are just not honest enough. So, here is my advice for both parties.

Firstly, men: please, stop trying to hit some invisible deadline.

A woman’s orgasm does not have a time schedule – it will arrive when it arrives, but if we sense that you are ‘waiting’, it will make it all that much harder for us to finish.

Try your best to pick up on our physical cues and if you don’t know what to do, just ask. Consulting your sexual partner about their needs doesn’t mean that you are bad in bed; in fact, it means the very opposite.

I’m not saying that you have to keep pumping away for hours (that can be both tedious and painful) but make every effort not to clock off until you’re both satisfied.

It is crucial to mention that not all women can climax but if that is the case, ask her what she’d like you to do to make sex as pleasurable as possible.

While men have much to answer for when it comes to the orgasm gap, women have a responsibility to themselves and their lovers as well.

Ladies, I know just how uncomfortable and awkward it can be to speak up during sex but your orgasm is just as important as his.

Some men need help and advice, so be brave and explain what makes your body tick.

If after this discussion, your partner still isn’t willing to make the same effort you are making: walk away.

Clocking off early is rude and you deserve better.

This article was originally published 12 July, 2024

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. 

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